What "I'm bored in school" might really mean for your teen

Teenagers are notorious for calling things "boring." Everything from a TV show to a particular shirt can be given such a blanket stamp of disapproval. But when they label school "boring," it's time to investigate what they really mean.

"The first step is to talk with your child, get their take on what's going on at school," says Dr. Lucy Jo Palladino, a California-based clinical psychologist and author of Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: How to Help the Child Who Is Bright, Bored, and Having Problems in School . "More often than not you'll get 'I don't know,' but sometimes it's the best place to begin — at the source." Most formal learning disabilities and attention problems are diagnosed by about the fourth grade, so a teen who claims to be bored probably has something else going on besides a diagnosable problem. That doesn't mean you can't get to the bottom of it, though. Palladino offers parents a few common translations for the "I'm bored" mantra — and how to go about fixing them.

1. "I'm not being challenged enough." 
   What's happening: If a child is gifted, sheer class size might be working against him, as the teacher focuses on the average student while the gifted child quickly masters the material and is left twiddling his thumbs.
   
   What to do: If your child is bright and needs more of a challenge, you have to address that with the teacher. Also dig deeper to find out what excites your teen — Is it writing? Science? Engineering? — and get him involved in extracurricular activities that address those interests.



2. "There's not enough swiping and clicking."
   What's happening: "In today's world, teens are so hyper-stimulated by technology outside the classroom that inside the classroom, by contrast, their brains are under-stimulated," says Palladino, whose latest book, Find Your Focus Zone, is on finding success in today's digital age of distraction. When today's tech-driven teens sit at a desk to exercise quiet, convergent thinking, their brains just aren't conditioned for it.
   
   What to do: Be intentional with the rules and habits regarding technology at home, Palladino says. Look at the lifestyle choices you're making, and aim for more balance. Is your family watching too much TV? Is your child playing a lot of video games? Take stock of how important you've made the gadgets in your own life, and set the example you want your kids to follow. That might mean not bringing the phone to the dinner table, or to bed, and letting them see you reading a book rather than playing Words With Friends.



3. "I'm totally lost." 
   What's happening: We turn off when we don't understand something. "This is especially true in something like math," Palladino says. "If your child has missed an essential step early on, they might be turning off for the rest of the lesson because it doesn't have meaning for them. And that lack of listening is a Catch-22, because you miss something else, and then you're even less interested."
   
   What to do: Let them know you believe in them and are here to help. "The art of conversing with your teen is to mutualize the experience, to reflect back to the child in a non-judgmental way. Use open-ended questions that are more in the spirit of exploring what's going on than accusatory, like 'How come you're not paying attention?'" You'll also want to talk to the teacher, and explore options for getting extra help, she says, "but just from those conversations, your student might try a little harder if he knows you're rooting for him."



4. "I'm spent."
   What's happening: Sometimes boredom is more an expression of tiredness, and these days teens are not sleeping as well as they should, Palladino says. We have overscheduled them to the point where their only free time is late at night, after sports, dance classes, dinner and homework are done, and they don't want to give that up to sleep. In addition, more teens are heading to bed with their phones by their sides, texting and surfing throughout the night. Exhaustion leads to an inability to concentrate, so they mentally check out during class.
   
   What to do: Have teens turn in their cell phones and other gadgets at bedtime. Ease back on daytime and evening activities, to give your teen more down time. And make sure physical activity is part of the regular family routine — everyone sleeps better when they exercise.



5. "Who can study at a time like this?!" 
   What's happening: Something outside the classroom is stealing your teen's focus. "Keep in mind that a teen's No. 1 priority is to not be embarrassed," Palladino says. Teen girls are especially vulnerable to becoming preoccupied with what's going on between classes. And drama that used to be contained to the school hallways or Friday night party is now carried on 24/7 via social media, which can do some serious psychological damage.
   
   What to do: Tread lightly, but let them know you're there. "Give them the sense of being an ally," Palladino says. "You want to be establishing a strong alliance with your teenager, because that's all you've got — that bond of trust — as they get older and more independent."

The Cure For Report Card Stress

Sylvan Learning of Hunterdon County Offers Effective Communication Tips to Help Parents and Children Avoid "Report Card Surprise"

It seems like school just began and it is already coming to report card time.  Report card day can often be a stressful experience for both parents and students. Parents facing a poor report card find themselves disappointed by the results and apprehensive about the best way to discuss failing grades with their child's teacher.  Students feel discouraged if they've been struggling to do better, but are just not able to make the grades.  Sylvan educators in Clinton and Flemington believe that report card time doesn't have to be a source of mutual frustration and unhappiness for parents or their children. 

By following a few simple steps, parents can empower their child to bring home a report card that will make everyone proud of progress and accomplishments.

The first report card of the year can create feelings of pride, happiness and excitement for many parents. It can also produce feelings of anxiety and frustration for those who are surprised by their child's grades. However, effective and continuous communication among teachers, parents and students can help minimize the 'report card surprise.

Sylvan Learning, the leading provider of tutoring services to children of all ages and skill levels, offers the following tips to ease report card stress:

• Communicate with your child. Don't wait until the report cards are issued - it's too late then. From the first day of school, make sure your child knows that there will be a conversation about school every evening.  Conversations do not include one-word answers and half-hearted attempts at discussion. They demand open-ended questions. 
• Meet with your child's teachers.  Keep an open line of communication with your child's teacher. Talk frankly with the teacher about any skill deficiencies that are causing performance problems and work with the teacher to address these issues. At Sylvan, we offer this type of communication as part of our services, but it does not serve as a replacement for your communication with the teacher as well. 
• Establish a study plan with your child. Work with your child to develop regular study habits and to spend an adequate amount of time daily on homework and studying for tests. Be aware of assignments and whether your child is using time effectively to tackle homework and study. Encourage him to put forth his or her best effort and to persevere.
• Get help immediately if you see a problem. Don't fall prey to your child's promise to do better. He or she may not be able to correct certain issues without help from the adults in his or her life.  If your student is having melt-downs during homework time, it may not be that they don't know how to study- It may be that the work itself is too difficult and avoiding the homework is easier than trying because the work is too hard.  

A report card is more than just a series of letters. It's an invaluable tool to help parents evaluate their child's academic progress and assess his or her strengths and weaknesses. "You and Your Child's Report Card," a free parents' guide is available from Sylvan Learning. The guide gives parents numerous tips and suggestions to turn report card day into a day of achievement and celebration. 

Sylvan can help!

Call us today:

Flemington, NJ: (908) 806-4010

Avoiding Report Card Surprise

In the next few weeks, schools will begin sending home the dreaded "First Report Card."

The first report card of the year can create feelings of pride, happiness and excitement for many parents. It can also produce feelings of anxiety and frustration for those who are surprised by their child’s grades. However, effective and continuous communication among teachers, parents and students can help minimize the “report card surprise.”

Report cards are part of every child’s academic experience, and don’t need to be a surprise to parents. If a parent is surprised by a “poor” report card, it often means that they haven’t been effectively communicating with their child or their child’s teacher throughout the school year. Maintaining open and continuous lines of communication with children and teachers throughout the school year, and not just when report cards are issued, will help parents stay informed about their child’s progress and help them avoid the report card surprise.

Students who are surprised by their own report cards also need to improve their communication and organization patterns. A student who surprisingly receives a “D” or a failing grade on his report card learns the hard way that he needs to regularly talk with his teachers and stay on top of school work, homework and test results. Students should never be surprised by their report card grades.

Organization is an essential part of a student’s education. By tracking test scores and all other assignments throughout the year and speaking regularly with teachers and parents, students are prepared for their grades come report card time, and can work to improve their performance prior to report cards.

It shouldn’t take a surprise report card for parents and teachers to communicate effectively. Sylvan Learning, the leading provider of tutoring to students of all ages, grades and skill levels, offers the following advice to help parents maintain clear communications with their children and teachers:

Tips for Talking To Children
• Talk about school every day. Make it a regular part of the family’s routine.
• Don’t wait until report cards are issued to talk about school and grades. Frequently discuss with her how she is doing in each subject and what grade she anticipates receiving.
• Encourage your child to tell you about his day. Find out what he learned and what are his favorite activities.
• Teach your child that education is important to your family.
• Discuss goals and objectives for the school year. This may be a great way to learn about difficulties your child is having in specific subject areas.
• If your child is having trouble in school, talk about a method to help organize her schedule, subjects and activities. A calendar can be a great way to track tests, homework, activities and study plans.
• Talk with your child about his extracurricular activities, such as team sports or after-school jobs. Being overscheduled may affect his grades.
• Set improvement goals for your child. This will help her work towards an attainable grade for each class.
• Talk with your child about his study habits and develop a study plan. Set aside specific time for studying, projects and activities each evening and make sure that he has a properly equipped and well-lit area to work.
• Communicate with your child about her school experiences. Know what she is thinking and feeling. Also, openly talk with her about her worries and concerns as well as her joys and achievements.

Tips for Talking to Teachers
• Develop a parent/teacher relationship with your child’s teacher and talk with this teacher at least once a month throughout the year. Remember that your child’s teacher has direct contact with your child every school day and can offer invaluable insight into your child’s day.
• Your child’s teacher can benefit from background information about him – talk about activities he likes, special needs, close friends, motivation and things going on at home.
• Find out what the teacher’s expectations are for the year and what type of curriculum he or she has set for the students. Have this insight at the start of school and keep track of it throughout the year.
• Talk to the teacher about any major programs or activities that are set for the year. Is there an annual science fair? A field trip schedule? Major papers? Tests?
• Remember – teachers are busy people, too. Find out the easiest way to communicate – by email, phone or in-person. Finding the right communication method will make it easier to speak on a regular basis.

Mistakes Students Should Make

No one likes making mistakes. But mistakes lead to learning and growth. Converge Magazine for educators recently published mistakes students should make... like getting too involved. Getting good grades is important... but it’s not everything. And educators agree, emphasizing the need for students to live a balanced life – even in the college environment. “We understand that life must be lived from the inside out. The only way you’re going to be able to do that is to make sure you have a balanced educational program. Of course you emphasize academics. You want them to excel inside the classroom and outside of the classroom, as well,” says Nido R. Qubein, President of High Point University.

According to the Converge article, another mistake that students should make is to pick the wrong major. It’s OK – and actually natural for teens -- if you don’t know exactly what you want to do. “As teenagers, we’re developing, we’re trying to figure out what our passions are, what we want out of life, and we should be able to do that,” says 19-year-old Chandler DeWitt, a college sophomore and teen author of Inside Out: Real Stories about the Inner Choices That Shape our Lives. “We should be able to experiment and reach out into areas we don’t really know because what other time are you going to be able to do that?”

What other mistakes should kids make? Assume your teachers don’t know everything. Ask lots of questions and talk too much – to your teachers and your classmates.

Tips for Parents
Test scores. Team Sports. Technology.
Today’s teens face a competitive, complex, 24-7 existence. Perhaps it’s no surprise that research from San Diego State University and the University of Georgia shows that kids exhibit four times greater the rate of depression and anxiety than the children of the 1930s.

Experts believe a cultural shift, with values placed by parents, school systems and communities on external outcomes and material success, may be the fuel for teen stress and anxiety. How can educators, parents and kids themselves redefine this race for reward?

One approach is to increase awareness and action toward leading a more balanced life. Daniel Willingham, professor of psychology at the University of Virginia and author of “Why Don’t Students Like School?” writes that when children start school, they believe they can succeed but failures undermine that belief. The failures are taken by the children to mean that they are not smart, that intelligence is somehow fixed and that it can’t increase. In his book, Willingham writes that he wishes school classes were more like video games where kids lose, but don’t feel they are losers because they accept that mistakes are part of the game. “They understand this is part of the learning process in the game. They are willing to try risky things in the game,” he says. “They don’t feel like a bad person if they lose.”

In a recent issue of Converge Magazine, Julianne Capati and Spencer Taylor,
students at Empire High School in Tucson, Arizona, wrote an article entitled “Five Mistakes Students and Teachers Should Make.” They write “mistakes lead to learning and growing. Mistakes challenge
you to learn from them in order to succeed. Mistakes represent success in disguise.”

Their suggested mistakes include:

Pick the wrong major
A student should explore any possibility that interests him, and future careers might just be around the corner. Remember, “If you don’t know what to do, it’s OK!”

Get too involved
Getting good grades and attending classes are all very important, but in the end, it is just a portion. Join clubs, help out with your community and strive to go above and beyond assignment guidelines.

Assume your teachers don’t know everything
Students may view their teachers as gods who know everything, but that really is not the case. Students should view teachers as individuals who can help them grasp and understand concepts in class. Students can research answers on their own and get their own opinions instead of having the teachers tell them the answers.

Take a day off
In this sense, students have power in their education, but it is also their responsibility to learn and be proactive in their education. So students can slack off here and there, but they should always keep in mind how that might affect their schoolwork. Take a day off to recharge, check out class notes online and relax. You may come back a refreshed student. Just don’t do it too often!

Talk too much
Students can be under the impression that they must maintain some distance between themselves and their teachers. Intimidated, afraid, or whatever it might be, they do not confront their teacher when they have a problem about their class. Whatever the case, students cannot get help about a class if they remain distant from their teacher. Students need to be on friendly terms with their teachers in order to best get help in their classes. Go to office hours, stop in after school, or e-mail questions as they come. Not only will they get help, but they will also get the maximum potential of knowledge from the class.