What "I'm bored in school" might really mean for your teen

Teenagers are notorious for calling things "boring." Everything from a TV show to a particular shirt can be given such a blanket stamp of disapproval. But when they label school "boring," it's time to investigate what they really mean.

"The first step is to talk with your child, get their take on what's going on at school," says Dr. Lucy Jo Palladino, a California-based clinical psychologist and author of Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: How to Help the Child Who Is Bright, Bored, and Having Problems in School . "More often than not you'll get 'I don't know,' but sometimes it's the best place to begin — at the source." Most formal learning disabilities and attention problems are diagnosed by about the fourth grade, so a teen who claims to be bored probably has something else going on besides a diagnosable problem. That doesn't mean you can't get to the bottom of it, though. Palladino offers parents a few common translations for the "I'm bored" mantra — and how to go about fixing them.

1. "I'm not being challenged enough." 
   What's happening: If a child is gifted, sheer class size might be working against him, as the teacher focuses on the average student while the gifted child quickly masters the material and is left twiddling his thumbs.
   
   What to do: If your child is bright and needs more of a challenge, you have to address that with the teacher. Also dig deeper to find out what excites your teen — Is it writing? Science? Engineering? — and get him involved in extracurricular activities that address those interests.



2. "There's not enough swiping and clicking."
   What's happening: "In today's world, teens are so hyper-stimulated by technology outside the classroom that inside the classroom, by contrast, their brains are under-stimulated," says Palladino, whose latest book, Find Your Focus Zone, is on finding success in today's digital age of distraction. When today's tech-driven teens sit at a desk to exercise quiet, convergent thinking, their brains just aren't conditioned for it.
   
   What to do: Be intentional with the rules and habits regarding technology at home, Palladino says. Look at the lifestyle choices you're making, and aim for more balance. Is your family watching too much TV? Is your child playing a lot of video games? Take stock of how important you've made the gadgets in your own life, and set the example you want your kids to follow. That might mean not bringing the phone to the dinner table, or to bed, and letting them see you reading a book rather than playing Words With Friends.



3. "I'm totally lost." 
   What's happening: We turn off when we don't understand something. "This is especially true in something like math," Palladino says. "If your child has missed an essential step early on, they might be turning off for the rest of the lesson because it doesn't have meaning for them. And that lack of listening is a Catch-22, because you miss something else, and then you're even less interested."
   
   What to do: Let them know you believe in them and are here to help. "The art of conversing with your teen is to mutualize the experience, to reflect back to the child in a non-judgmental way. Use open-ended questions that are more in the spirit of exploring what's going on than accusatory, like 'How come you're not paying attention?'" You'll also want to talk to the teacher, and explore options for getting extra help, she says, "but just from those conversations, your student might try a little harder if he knows you're rooting for him."



4. "I'm spent."
   What's happening: Sometimes boredom is more an expression of tiredness, and these days teens are not sleeping as well as they should, Palladino says. We have overscheduled them to the point where their only free time is late at night, after sports, dance classes, dinner and homework are done, and they don't want to give that up to sleep. In addition, more teens are heading to bed with their phones by their sides, texting and surfing throughout the night. Exhaustion leads to an inability to concentrate, so they mentally check out during class.
   
   What to do: Have teens turn in their cell phones and other gadgets at bedtime. Ease back on daytime and evening activities, to give your teen more down time. And make sure physical activity is part of the regular family routine — everyone sleeps better when they exercise.



5. "Who can study at a time like this?!" 
   What's happening: Something outside the classroom is stealing your teen's focus. "Keep in mind that a teen's No. 1 priority is to not be embarrassed," Palladino says. Teen girls are especially vulnerable to becoming preoccupied with what's going on between classes. And drama that used to be contained to the school hallways or Friday night party is now carried on 24/7 via social media, which can do some serious psychological damage.
   
   What to do: Tread lightly, but let them know you're there. "Give them the sense of being an ally," Palladino says. "You want to be establishing a strong alliance with your teenager, because that's all you've got — that bond of trust — as they get older and more independent."